Compassionate Behaviour Plan
A planning worksheet for acting compassionately towards yourself: choosing behaviours that a wise, caring version of you would take on your own behalf, including the difficult ones, and scheduling them. Bridges compassion focused therapy and behavioural activation for depression and burnout.
About this resource
Compassionate behaviour is one of the attributes and skills of compassion in Gilbert's model. Compassion in CFT is not only a feeling or an attitude; it is action taken to relieve and prevent suffering, guided by wisdom and strength. Compassionate behaviour towards oneself includes soothing and restorative actions, but it also includes the courageous ones: facing something avoided, setting a limit, asking for help, or stopping a pattern that is harmful. Gilbert often notes that compassion is not about making oneself feel better in the short term but about doing what genuinely helps, which sometimes means tolerating discomfort.
For depression, this framing addresses a common obstacle to behavioural activation: clients experience scheduled activities as demands from the critic (you should be doing more) and either comply resentfully or refuse. Reframing the same activities as gifts from the compassionate self changes their emotional tone and often their uptake. For burnout, the emphasis on limits, rest and refusing to over-function is directly relevant, and the plan helps distinguish genuine restoration from numbing.
The professional version includes notes on running the exercise from the compassionate self, on the difference between compassionate behaviour and self-indulgence or avoidance dressed as self-care, and on pairing courageous actions with the soothing ones that make them tolerable.
How to use it
- Use after the client has had some practice with the compassionate self, so that the plan can be made from that perspective. Begin the session with a minute of soothing breathing and a brief step into the compassionate self.
- Ask the client to describe their current week as their compassionate self would see it: where they are suffering, what is depleting them, what they are avoiding.
- Generate candidate behaviours in three groups: things that soothe and restore, things that take courage, and things to stop or reduce. Push gently for at least one courageous item.
- Check each behaviour against the question 'is this what someone who cared about me would want for me?' rather than 'do I feel like it?' or 'should I?'.
- Schedule two or three behaviours concretely for the coming week. Anticipate the critic's response to each and plan a compassionate reply.
- Review the following session from the compassionate self perspective: not 'did you comply' but 'what did you learn about caring for yourself'.
References
- Gilbert, P. (2009). The Compassionate Mind: A New Approach to Life's Challenges. Constable.
- Gilbert, P. (2010). Compassion Focused Therapy: Distinctive Features. Routledge.
- Irons, C., & Beaumont, E. (2017). The Compassionate Mind Workbook: A Step-by-Step Guide to Developing Your Compassionate Self. Robinson.
- Martell, C. R., Dimidjian, S., & Herman-Dunn, R. (2010). Behavioral Activation for Depression: A Clinician's Guide. Guilford Press.
