Family Formulation: How We Get Stuck
A family formulation worksheet that maps a recurring family conflict as a cycle: the trigger, each person's thoughts, feelings and actions, how each response feeds the next, the beliefs underneath, and what keeps the cycle going.
About this resource
Families who present with a recurring conflict usually describe it as one person's fault: the child who will not cooperate, the parent who is too harsh, the sibling who provokes. A family formulation replaces this linear story with a circular one. Each person's behaviour is a response to the others' behaviour and, in turn, a trigger for it. The cognitive behavioural contribution is to make visible the thought and feeling that sit between what one person does and how the next person responds, since it is the interpretation ('he is doing this to wind me up', 'she never listens anyway') that drives the escalation. The emotionally focused contribution is the recognition that underneath the surface reactions, family members are usually protesting disconnection or protecting themselves from it, and that the cycle, not any individual, is the problem to be treated.
This worksheet builds the formulation collaboratively with the family. It walks through a single recent episode of the conflict, mapping each person's position in sequence, then steps back to identify the beliefs each person holds about the others and about the family, the underlying needs that the surface behaviour is protecting, and the factors that keep the cycle running. The final section asks the family to draw the maintaining cycle as a loop and to give it a name, so that it can be noticed and interrupted as it starts.
The professional version adds guidance on choosing an episode that is recent and typical rather than the worst one, on getting each family member's perspective without letting any one person narrate for the others, on including younger children in an age-appropriate way, and on using the completed formulation to select interventions (communication skills, parenting structure, or emotion-focused work on the underlying needs).
How to use it
- Choose a recent, typical episode of the recurring conflict with the family. Avoid the worst episode; it will be too loaded to examine calmly.
- Establish the sequence first: who did what, in what order. Write it down as it happened, without interpretation, and check each family member agrees with the sequence even if not with the meaning.
- Then go round the family, one person at a time, filling in what each was thinking and feeling at their point in the sequence. Protect each person's turn. Nobody comments on anyone else's inner experience.
- Draw the cycle on a whiteboard or large sheet as you go. Circular drawings help family members see that there is no single starting point and no single culprit.
- Complete the beliefs and needs sections more slowly, over one or two sessions if needed. The needs are often the first time family members hear what the others actually want. Finish by naming the cycle and agreeing how the family will flag it when it starts.
References
- Dattilio, F. M. (2010). Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy with Couples and Families: A Comprehensive Guide for Clinicians. Guilford Press.
- Furrow, J. L., Palmer, G., Johnson, S. M., Faller, G., & Palmer-Olsen, L. (2019). Emotionally Focused Family Therapy: Restoring Connection and Promoting Resilience. Routledge.
- Carr, A. (2012). Family Therapy: Concepts, Process and Practice (3rd ed.). Wiley-Blackwell.
