Grief (for Teens)
A handout for adolescents who have lost someone important, explaining what grief looks like at this age, why it comes in waves, and how to carry the loss without being consumed by it. Draws on the dual process model and narrative approaches.
About this resource
Adolescents grieve differently from both children and adults. They are old enough to understand the permanence of death and its consequences, but they are also in the middle of forming an identity, separating from family and relying on peers, which shapes how they respond. Common patterns include intense but short bursts of grief interspersed with apparently normal functioning, reluctance to show emotion in front of family, a strong wish to be treated as normal by friends, and grief that resurfaces at milestones the person will miss.
This handout draws on two frameworks. Stroebe and Schut's dual process model (1999) describes healthy grieving as oscillation between facing the loss and stepping away from it into ordinary life; for teens, who often feel guilty when they laugh or have fun, this is a reassuring and normalising idea. Narrative and meaning-reconstruction approaches (Neimeyer, 2001) emphasise finding ways to carry the relationship forward rather than 'getting over' it, which fits the adolescent wish to stay connected to the person.
The professional version adds guidance on distinguishing normal adolescent grief from depression or prolonged grief, on the teen who is grieving a death by suicide or overdose, and on working with the family system when the teen and the surviving parent are grieving in different styles.
How to use it
- Use after the teen has told you about the person and the loss in their own words. Do not begin with psychoeducation.
- Read the section on waves and the section on 'both at once' together. Ask whether the teen has felt guilty for having a good day; most have, and naming it is often a relief.
- Invite the teen to identify how their grief may look different from that of the adults around them, and whether that has caused friction.
- Use the reflection fields to begin a conversation about continuing bonds: what the teen wants to keep from the relationship.
- Monitor for warning signs over time: persistent hopelessness, withdrawal from all activities, substance use, or thoughts of not wanting to be here. Where present, assess safety directly and involve the family.
References
- Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (1999). The dual process model of coping with bereavement: Rationale and description. Death Studies, 23(3), 197-224.
- Worden, J. W. (2018). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner (5th ed.). Springer.
- Neimeyer, R. A. (Ed.). (2001). Meaning Reconstruction and the Experience of Loss. American Psychological Association.
