Supporting a Family Member with Depression
A handout for partners, parents and adult children of someone with depression: what depression looks like from the inside, what helps, what tends to backfire, and how to look after yourself while you support them.
About this resource
Depression rarely affects one person alone. Family members often feel confused by the withdrawal and irritability, frustrated that reasonable suggestions are not taken up, and guilty for feeling frustrated. Without a clear picture of what depression does to motivation, energy and thinking, the people closest to the person tend to swing between pushing too hard and stepping back entirely, and both patterns can deepen the person's sense of being a burden.
This handout gives families a plain account of how depression works, drawing on the behavioural activation model (activity drops, rewards disappear, mood falls further) and on the interpersonal focus of IPT (depression strains relationships, and strained relationships feed depression). It then translates that into practical guidance: how to invite activity without nagging, how to listen without trying to fix, what to say and what to avoid, how to respond if the person mentions not wanting to be here, and how to protect the family member's own wellbeing.
The professional version includes prompts for a family session, guidance on distinguishing helpful support from accommodation that maintains inactivity, and notes on when to recommend that a family member seek their own support.
How to use it
- Offer the handout when a client agrees that a partner or family member could be involved in treatment, or when a family member asks how to help. Obtain the client's consent before sharing anything about their treatment.
- Where possible, read the handout with the client first and ask which sections they would like their family member to focus on. Clients often have clear views about what they find helpful and what feels like pressure.
- If you hold a joint session, use the 'What helps' and 'What tends to backfire' sections as a structure for the conversation. Ask the person with depression to say which items ring true.
- Link the activity section to the client's own behavioural activation plan so that the family member is supporting agreed steps, not inventing new ones.
- Draw attention to the safety section. Make sure the family member knows about 9-8-8 and 911 and knows how to raise a concern with you if they see warning signs.
- Check in with the family member about their own wellbeing. Carers of people with depression are themselves at raised risk of low mood, and a referral for their own support is sometimes the most useful outcome.
References
- Martell, C. R., Dimidjian, S., & Herman-Dunn, R. (2010). Behavioral Activation for Depression: A Clinician's Guide. Guilford Press.
- Weissman, M. M., Markowitz, J. C., & Klerman, G. L. (2018). The Guide to Interpersonal Psychotherapy (updated and expanded ed.). Oxford University Press.
- Beck, A. T., Rush, A. J., Shaw, B. F., & Emery, G. (1979). Cognitive Therapy of Depression. Guilford Press.
